Exercise as a Hobby

(I took a class on Building Great Sentences and one challenge was making one 600 word sentence.  I did, but after class I edited  it to 596 words.  What would you write about in one very long sentence?)

If I would just do it—make the sport of exercise a hobby—especially when I hear the words “You lazy bum”  or “Fatty, Fatty, Fatty!” spouting from my own hateful, internal self, or from the lips of loved ones, or from the little child who doesn’t know how to use tact, or from rude acquaintances, or even from the in-laws, which create the realization that something must be done in the way of losing weight, because grave body failures might eventually develop, especially the family trait ones, which should be avoided if at all possible, and since I really am a lazy bum who doesn’t like wasting couch-potato time in the doctor’s office, then I must cultivate the desire to change the status quo of my Fatty-Existence, by selecting what the exercise-hobby should be, like maybe walking, running, kick-boxing, Yoga for Dummies, Pilates, weight lifting, bicycling, or aerobic workouts, and then afterwards I need to assess how much money to spend in getting started, like purchasing special clothes, exercise tools such as videos, music, Mp3 players, Wii machines with programs, mats, or anything else needed for the Wii, and then setting a time for exercising, such as early in the morning before starting the work day, or after eating lunch, or after work, or in the evening after dark so no one can smirk at the Fatty striving to learn a new hobby, and then I ought to choose where the exercise takes place, like in a gym that costs money, or out on the streets, or in a special room of the house with all the exercise tools necessary to impress the relatives, acquaintances, or the self, or maybe in the living room so I can follow exercise DVD’s or a Wii Just Dance program (after making sure the spouse and children are busy elsewhere), then I have to determine how long the exercise regimen will last, like should it last thirty minutes a morning and thirty minutes an evening, or one hour a day, or one hour every other day, or thirty minutes a week, and at that point I also need to acquire a watch or a stop watch so I don’t accidentally go over the allotted time or under the allotted time, and then when the moment finally arrives to kick off the exercise, I have to remember not to get sidetracked by other important activities, such as eating chocolate and watching television, cooking meals, answering phone calls, answering nature’s calls, attending city or state functions, parties, reading, traveling, or any other important distractions, which means that it is vital for my mind to re-hear the voices saying, “You lazy Bum” or “Fatty, Fatty, Fatty!”, and then use super-human strength to pull out of whatever distraction to which my inner self has yielded, change into the proper attire, and head speedily out to the streets, the exercise room, the gym, or the high school track, and involve myself totally in the exercise by not stopping too early, by not slowing down due to exhaustion or lack of stamina, by not thinking about candy or television, by not worrying about what onlookers might be thinking, by not allowing phones to interrupt, by not stopping when sweat begins to pop out of my pores, trickling down the skin in the most ticklish areas, running into the eyes and ears; which all finally means, in short, that exercise as a hobby has to be a long-term activity, yet extremely rewarding, in which my body can, truly successfully participate—if I would just do it.

One thought on “Exercise as a Hobby

  1. Looks like you’ve done an amazing job, covering a worthwhile subject! One suggestion: if you ever do this again, leave a break every fourth line or somehow divide it into paragraphs.

    I see a useful lesson here. It’s not so much because it’s one sentence, but because it’s a solid block of writing, that it appears so formidable. Even if it were all in proper sentences it would be off-putting. (Of course I do tend to harp on the need for short paragraphs. 🙂 )

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