Diary Entry May 14, 1998

(Here’s an entry from my diary way back when)

Lying in bed, fighting sinus blockage, thinking about my totally unhealthy diet for the day, I became philosophical.  My right leg keeps wanting to go to sleep which probably means that I have diabetes from all the cookies I ate, the soda pop, the greasy homemade pizza, the grill cheese and ham sandwich at lunch, the bacon and eggs for breakfast.  I deserve to get diabetes or cancer or obesity.  I deserve acid reflux problems, insomnia, sinus blockage.  I’m always loading myself up with caffeine, sugar, and fat and I deserve what I get.  I know better!  No willpower. Lazy. Lustful of food.  I know to exercise, but I do very little.  Therefore, I resign myself to accept the consequences because I love the food I eat!  Yet…

When the consequences have come.  When I’m feverish or throwing up, or having the Big “D” (intestinal “d”), getting dehydrated, or suffering with hives, pimples, or shingles, gaining weight (the list is long), I find myself begging God to heal me—let this pass—I’LL NEVER DO WHAT I DID AGAIN—I PROMISE!  So…

I get well in due time.  Before a few days have passed, I’m at it again.  Memory fades.  Pain is in the past. Hey, I can handle the results of abusing myself.

My problem Is not unlike the story of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16.  The rich man lived it up until death, and in torment he begged and pleaded to Abraham to relieve him, rescue him.  In the same way, I need to do what is right BEFORE it is too late, not after.

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