Doofusity Strikes Again!

Picture this:

You’re baking delicious pumpkin pie cake bars. Everything is mixed in, poured into the baking dish, put in the oven.  Two minutes later, while wiping the counter, you see a can of pumpkin, unopened, shiny… your brain thinks… what exactly is in the oven right now?  Then overdrive… pull out the dish, and realize, yes, it’s lighter than normal!  Fortunately, it’s not cooked, just slightly warm. You energetically mix in the pumpkin and reinsert the dish in the oven.

Moral: Don’t forget the main ingredient!


An Act of Doofuscity

Doo-fús-ci-ty: having the behavior of a doofus

Dóo-fus: idiotic, stumbling, brain-dead person who is actually capable of being what most folks deem normal

Turned the oven up to 4500 for baking homemade

pizza and worked to prepare the Chēbē’s gluten free

dough but five minutes into it detected the strangest

odor wafting through the kitchen rather like burning

plastic cooking meat and then it hit the cranial

orb to look inside the oven discovering a store bought

package of pork chops melting into itself merging

plastic wrap Styrofoam bottom two pork chop slabs

all curling up on the top rack because a couple days

before I had placed the package there to thaw out and

forgot about since at the last minute we changed our

minds to go out and eat fast food instead…doofuscity


Reverie and Reveille

Staring out the kitchen window

getting ready to install a contact lens

because someone was using the bathroom, I

forgot about the contact lens, getting

lost in reverie among the spindly, tall

weeds in a field surrounding grain silos

with the morning sun brightening the world, when

suddenly, a woman’s voice wafted up from

the depths of the earth saying,

“Tam! Are the potatoes boiling yet?”

Startled, I looked around for the voice, then remembered

where I was, in a house with a basement,

sharing it temporarily with friends, and I

glanced over at the stove, where a large red

pot stood with a lid, no bubbling over

then realized I still rubbed a contact lens between my fingers

“I don’t know, can’t check, let me put my contact in first!”

“Okay!” drifted the voice from below


Food Switching


No eating wheat now

so no sandwiches for lunch

Use romaine lettuce leaves

I’m naming them “leafwiches”

to sound more palatable


Cannot eat wheat now

so no pie crusts, mix only

fillings and cook them

in custard dishes—they taste

great, without heavy bread work